How It's Going

time after time after time

I was sitting on an earth pod brought by one of the mountaineers, under a God knows what tree it is. It was almost time to go back down, another 3-hour trek from the peak of Mt. Batulao in Batangas that we climbed the day before, but I thought I had to do "the point" of climbing the mountain with people I have never met.
From where we camped, we still had to assault a summit for at least 2 hours back and forth. It was magnificent at the top. It was almost owning the big piece of land to as far as you can behold, then again, of course not.
So anyway, back where I was sitting, while waiting for everyone to get ready to go back down, I tried not to move a lot, tried to keep steady and feel the wind that could never be the same as in Manila. Looking back on the short while before I was there on the mountain, I feel there's nothing to be scared of...

Changes

time after time after time

So much has already caused ruin in my life. Enough for me, who is not regretful and always moving on, to resent it. Enough reason for not forgiving myself. I let them happen.
It's as chaotic as the current political shit in this country I can't seem to own at the moment. It's too painful and absurd.
More so within myself.
I pray (as it is the only option I can count on, and always will be) that I get this over with as soon as I realized I've broken myself too many times to rectify what I've done to make this life more challenging than I should've.
Oh what ugly things I've done to make life beautiful. And how naturally it turned out to be how it's supposed to.

Pakshet

time after time after time

kelan. kelan. kelan ko ba titigilan to.

ain't it frustrating to get away from something you've gotten used to and enjoyed a lot. sex. smoking. love.

damn.

isang novena pa to, kailangang mawala ang lahat ng nakakalungkot.

Ang Gamit Ko. Ako ay Gamit.

time after time after time

Nakita ko sya kahapon. Nakakatukso. Sobra.
Kahit madumi, kahit mukang mabaho, kahit alam kong mapapagastos na naman ako.
Buti na lang kasama ko kaibigan ko.
idinaan na lang sa kape at yosi.

Kailangan ko pang magbasa ng libro at magplano ng buhay.

Istorya

time after time after time

Pagtingala ko, hindi ko matandaan kung nasan ako.
Hindi ko maigalaw ang kanang braso ko, pero okay lang.
Hindi lang naman kanang braso ang hindi ko maigalaw. Lahat nakapirmi lang sa kung nasan sila.
Sa sobrang pagod, dose oras ako nakatulog. Naisip ko konti lang naman yung sayang nangyari. No big deal.
Gamitang walang humpay. Ang lungkot. Kasalanan ko namang mag expect ng kapalit.
Pero ang sarap malasing.
Asan na kaya yung gagong yon? Wala akong pakialam.
Ang awkward pag di mo alam sasabihin mo sa kanila. Pero wala akong pakialam.
Ang importante nag birthday ako. Yun may pakialam ako. Big deal to sa ken.
Kaya tuwing birthday ko, may nagsisimula.
Saan kaya ako makapunta?